ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
