Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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