My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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