there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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