I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
