I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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