I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
