We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
