I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize