your parents love me but you hate me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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