The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize