Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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