I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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