I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize