Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize