Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How external is "for external use only"?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think your dad took our porno
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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