So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sorry my hands just texted you
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
