i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
