I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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