i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
