let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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