I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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