i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
