You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
