I am in a vortex of obligation.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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