So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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