Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I skipped work to stalk him.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
