A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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