Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
