I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize