do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
