the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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