I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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