Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
