Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
