yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
