You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
whose parrot is this?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize