woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
