I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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