if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And then he peed in my hair
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