so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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