he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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