Got a toothbrush?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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