just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
