was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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