On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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