THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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