i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
