Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
