He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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