Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
