i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize