remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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