I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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