I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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