somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
