he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize