i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
