Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
