I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
