I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
