turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
