so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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