i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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