That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
