There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
