Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
