I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
