Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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