I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
