I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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