You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
