Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
