I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
