Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
