guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
