It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
