Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
